The first few moments I saw my son were filled with joy, terror,
and then extreme joy.
Heather and I spent the nine months previous to Rowan’s
birth wondering what our little guy might look like. I hoped he wouldn’t get my
ears (I didn’t want him growing up being called “Dumbo” by all of his
classmates the same way his father was), and I wanted him to have his mother’s
blue eyes and pretty nose! But nothing could compare to the first time I saw
this little creature in the flesh!
My first glimpse of Rowan was when he was yanked free of my
wife’s body, his tiny torso swinging through the air (okay, he wasn’t all that
tiny, weighing in at over 9 lbs, the little porker!). The nurses plopped him
down on the warming bed for some quick prep work before they launched him into
Heather’s waiting arms for some skin to skin time with mommy.
Looking down at the two of them I thought, “Wow! That’s my
son in my wife’s arms! He sure is beautiful! And such a funny shade of blue
too. Should he be moving more? OR AT ALL?”
Everyone in the room realized that our little boy had not
yet taken his first breath. The nurse grabbed him and launched him once more
back to the warming table. They poked, prodded, and rubbed his legs and feet to
try and get a response from that little blue bundle.
Panic took my wife and me. For just a few seconds we had held
the little guy we had hoped and dreamed about for nine months. Now he was
snatched away, and we could only stand (or lay, in my wife’s case) and wait and
hold our breaths until he took a breath! That was the first moment in my life
that I truly understood helplessness.
A cough! Our little man took his first breath! Another cough
or two (probably triggered by the blue bulbous tool stuck down his throat to
suck up his lung juices) followed by his first real cry. Such a beautiful sound
(at the time, at least)! His color returned and his cries continued.
Heather and I exclaimed over how beautiful he sounded and
how relieved we were. And then the most exciting thing happened! He heard our
voices, opened his eyes and turned his head to find us. We had talked to him in
the womb for months (sometimes reading, sometimes singing) and he recognized
our voices and wanted to find us. What a thrill! I know he couldn’t see very
well, but he looked all over to find us. Our boy was breathing and he
recognized the voices of his parents!
After a few more minutes we were finally able to hold him.
His crying stopped and he stared up at us calmly for two hours before falling
asleep for the first time outside of the womb. It was an amazing two hours! It
was such a long day, and being able to hold, talk to, and love our little boy
made it worth it!
That was the first few hours of my adventures in fatherhood,
and all I really did was stand back and wait. It would be the next few days
that proved to be the real challenge!
